


Just Breathe, Okay?

by river1983



Series: Tumblr Collections [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Winchester Has Flashbacks of Hell, Dean Winchester Has PTSD, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, TW: Blood, TW: Violence, not too graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-23 05:31:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23473186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/river1983/pseuds/river1983
Summary: Dean suffers from extreme anxiety and PTSD after hell and all the shit in his life came crashing down on him. It got so bad that he quit hunting and had to leave the bunker because of all the triggers. He and Castiel were in an established relationship, living in a secluded cabin as content as they could be. But sometimes, it just gets too much for the ex-hunter. The only one who can calm him down? His favorite angel, Castiel.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Tumblr Collections [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1454404
Comments: 1
Kudos: 42





	Just Breathe, Okay?

Dean padded into the kitchen, rubbing his tired eyes and trying to calm his nerves. Despite the years past since he hacked off a head of a vampire or murdered a demigod, his dreams were still vivid and triggered his PTSD attacks. He shuddered, reeling his mind back to the place it was supposed to be, should still be.

Castiel handed him a cup of coffee and kissed him on the temple. “Good morning, Dean. Did you sleep okay?”

Dean nodded with a small smile, leaning into Cas. “We have to go grocery shopping.”

Cas nodded, ruffling Dean’s hair as the man leaned into him. “We can try that pie recipe you wanted to.”

Dean smiled as he kissed Cas tenderly on the lips. “This picket fence life ain’t so bad.”

Castiel laughed softly at that. “Get dressed, Dean.”

\--

In the car, it was a comfortable silence. No music in the background, just Dean and Cas.

Dean was at the wheel, lost in the depths of his head. Sometimes, he couldn’t help but think about their old life. It didn’t always trigger anything for Dean, but instead made him feel guilty for ripping Cas away to take care of him.

“Do you ever miss the bunker? And that...life?” Dean blurted.

Cas turned towards Dean, eyes full of worry. “Are you sure you want to talk about that? It might--”

“I’m fine, really, Cas. I just...you’re an angel. And you’re taking care of a human who just can’t get his shit together. Are you...I dunno, unhappy or something? I just--don’t want--” He gripped the steering wheel tighter, taking a deep breath to stop himself from spiraling.

Castiel quickly took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “Dean, I am the happiest I’ve ever been. I don’t really miss hunting. I actually find this calm life...pleasant. We still check in with Sam, but there are no more monsters for us, Dean. I’m just glad I’m with you.”

Dean blushed slightly. “I love you, Cas. And I’m so grateful you agreed to...keep me right. But if you’re ever unhappy or something, just...let me know.”

Cas squeezed his hand tighter. “I’m never unhappy with you, Dean.”

\--

Castiel and Dean walked back into the cabin, hands full of groceries, laughing. “I learn more about you every day,” Dean said with a smile, kissing Cas quickly as he unpacked the groceries and set up what they would need to bake the pie. Cas smiled as he placed cans of tomato sauce and boxes of spaghetti back in their respective places.

“Don’t knock it until you watched it Dean--it’s very entertaining.”

“It’s _Gilmore Girls_ , Cas.”

Castiel turned towards the ex-hunter, eyes full of amusement. “You watch Dr. Sexy M.D., why can’t I watch Gilmore Girls?”

Dean snickered as he heard the name roll off Cas’ tongue. “You can watch whatever you want Cas, it’s just a little funny. And Dr. Sexy is a masterpiece.” He pulled out two bowls and two cherry pitters. “You gonna help me or what?”

Cas took off his trench coat, tie, and suit jacket. “Of course, Dean.”

Dean handed him a cherry pitter and together they remove the seeds of cherries, talking and laughing as they did so, forgetting any problems they might have had at the moment. 

It took them an hour, much longer than it should have. That may be because Dean started a fight by flicking a seed at Castiel, who retaliated by throwing a stem, and they ended up with cherry juice all over the place after throwing leftover bits at each other. It was a sickeningly cliche coupley thing, but Dean and Cas could care less.

“Okay, Dean. We won’t have enough cherries to actually make the pie if we keep at it,” Castiel said with a smile. “I’m gonna wash all of this off--you start on the crust.” 

He kissed Dean on the lips, tasting cherry (Dean was probably eating then discreetly.). He pulled away with a wink and walked to the bathroom to rinse his hands. 

Dean watched him go, a smile dancing on his lips. God, he loved that man. He pushed himself up and towards the sink, glancing at his hands, which were covered in cherry juice. His stopped in his tracks suddenly, staring at the red coating his fingertips.

It looked too much like blood.

Before he even knew it, he was thrust into the memory of him when he had the Mark after Charlie’s death, holding the angel blade in his hand right above Cas’ head, fingers coated in the angel’s blood. The sick satisfaction of having his blood coating his skin fueled Dean as he held the blade, ready to thrust it into--

“Dean!”

Cas had exited the bathroom to see Dean on the floor, eyes wide, staring at his hands. Castiel already knew what was happening. He ran over to Dean, gripping his arms and shaking his boyfriend. 

“Dean! Dean, it’s not real!”

Dean didn’t hear him though. He just felt his fist connecting to jaw, _Cas’_ jaw, and tears started to pool out of his eyes in real-time.

Castiel got up and grabbed a wet washcloth, then knelt next to Dean and started to clean the cherry juice off his fingers. “It’s just a memory, Dean. It’s not real. You’re not there anymore.”

Dean’s vision of the memory began to fuzz, bringing Cas’ beautiful face back into focus, staring at him with worry written on his face.

“Cas?” Dean croaked, blinking several times to make sure his vision had returned.

“Dean? Dean, it’s me.” Cas stopped wiping his hands and instead clasped onto them, pulling the ex-hunter so he sat up.

“Cas,” Dean breathed out, pulling the angel close to him, burying his head into Cas’ shoulder. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, kissing his temple. 

“You’re okay, Dean. Everything’s fine.”

Dean shook his head, pulling back. “No, it’s not. I almost...I could’ve...”

Cas’ eyes narrowed. “You saw me again?”

“It’s always you, Cas. It’s always me, being an ass to you or--or--”

He could feel himself slipping again, but focused on Castiel.

“Dean,” Cas said gently. “I know no matter what I say, this won’t stop plaguing your mind, but _it’s not your fault_ ,” Dean scoffed. “No, Dean. It’s not. You have too much on your shoulders, Dean Winchester, and so much of it does not need to be carried.”

Dean didn’t say anything in response but just clung to his boyfriend. “I love you, Cas. Thank you for...staying.”

Castiel leaned down, tilting Dean’s head so he could kiss him. “Always, Dean. Now, do you still want to make this pie?”

Dean’s eyes lit up again, remembering the pie. He kissed Castiel again, smiling up at him. “Hell yeah!”


End file.
